No is a full and complete sentence. Every so often I must refuse a client's inquiry, sometimes I even have to cancel a client’s booking. Like most escorts, I hate doing this. I got in this industry because I love to please people, so naturally disappointing people, particularly my clients, is painful. But when I do have to refuse or cancel on a client, I am often met with the same question.
Because I said so.
There are so many reasons why she may have had to cancel on you – all of which are none of your businesses. Maybe she was sick and is having explosive diarrhoea, or a previous client had a large ‘member’ and now her money-maker is sore, maybe she got her period unexpectedly. All of which are very awkward and unsexy to explain to a stranger. Perhaps she has mental health issues. Many escorts are very open about their disabilities and mental health issues, but some are not. She does not owe you a complete list of her personal medical ailments if she wants to cancel your booking. You have no businesses knowing her private life - even if you are a regular.
And I hear you saying, ‘well she doesn’t have to be that specific’. Well unfortunately, we live in a world that condemns sex work and shrouds our lives in myths and taboos. Simply saying that we ‘feel under the weather’ can make some people believe we have an STD - because we are just a DiRtY wHoRe aren’t we? No escort wants to end up on a review board for having an imaginary STD, so it is sometimes just better to just say nothing at all.
You may be the Problem
She may have even refused you because YOU are the problem. If you are on Twitter you will see day after day, escorts ranting about how to make a proper booking inquiry. If you want to see some of the insane messages we get, you can follow @NobodyCaresJim. The reason we don't tell you why we have refused your inquiry, is because it's not our responsibility to teach you how to be respectful. You are a grown man. It is not women’s responsibility to teach men how to be good man. But alas, most of try too anyway. We tell you exactly how to contact us on our ads. A lot of us even have templates, you just need to copy and paste and fill in the blanks.
But the more important reason of why we don't tell you is because we are afraid of you. If we tell a client what they d
id wrong, they could learn how to cover up that red flag and try to book us again or try to book another sex worker. Though most men are kind and respectful, unfortunately, there is 0.01% out there who are terrifyingly violent. Keep in mind that when you contact us, we do not know who you are, even if we've seen you a few times, there's no way to get to know someone in a few hours, so it is always in the back of our minds that you could hurt us. It is well known that men have killed women for just rejecting them. So we don’t tell you what you did wrong out of fear.
No is Enough
Lastly, we don’t tell you because ‘No’ is enough. If I am going to be intimate with you, I need to trust that if I say ‘no’ you will stop. No questions. No explanations. No negotiations. If you can’t accept no over a text message, I will be worried that you won’t accept no in person. So all you have done by asking ‘why’ is confirming that I don’t want to see you.I know most clients don’t men to be disrespectful by asking ‘why’, in fact many are doing it out of courtesy or out of fear that they have offended. But if you put yourself in sex workers shoes you can see that sometimes the simplest of questions can be the most dangerous.